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i knw, i knw... it's been freaking long since i blogged.

nt entirely a gd mood day 2day...
work suckz, busy lyk hell *even though i didn't do much*, but some pts juz get into my nerve (kept cursing n swearing at them *oOpz) honestly i still don't hav e patiences, coz i still hav e habit of rising my voice or sound unpleasant 2 those irritatin pts! if nt, i will try n i mean TRY 2 tolerate them n when i leave e rm, i will fcuking say vulgarities, *cns, or hav tis moody face. -_-

gosh~ i still can't control myself at times lyk tis, it's realli nt wat a nurse should b portraying.


anyway, on e other hand, food n colleagues makes my day. =D had kfc wif my colleagues... they told me tat whenever they see my face or see wat shift i'm on, most probably e staff will b ordering ward delivery... i'm lyk e "in-charge" of food delivery. lol


=( another thing which is damping my mood is... argh! don't wanna talk abt it here. honestly i'm realli in a state of confused mind. i realli don't knw wat should i do? i realli need sometime 2 tink.

sorry if i made u worried n perhapz being selfish in a way, but mayb it's 4 e best as 4 nw, or mayb nt...

i'm a realli bad daughter, i knw she has been working hard 2 give us a gd life, being busy at work n at hm... but till nw, i still can't open up 2 her, been making her worried 4 me, un-helpful daughter n nv consider abt her feelings... juz being selfish n stubborn n whenever she talk 2 me, i juz 1 ear in, 1 ear out... doesn't tk her seriously. i still feel tis gap i hav between me n her, i don't feel close 2 her unlyk him. sometimes i still can't make myself 2 hug her as n when i feel lyk it or pour out my troubles 2 her so naturally... it juz feels so weird. i realli envy those mum-daughter r/s, where they b lyk friend friend r/s, where things happen so naturally. i will b jealous whenever my sis can hav tis bond wif her n i feel left-out. i will nv understand tis feeling till i die.


argh~ honestly e hand problem juz freakz me out, i can't b in a denial stage anymore. i hate 2 hav 2 hide my hands away frm public eyes, hate 2 see my skins peeling n tearing wif open wounds, being dry lyk an old lady's hands, being tanned reddness n having 2 scratch whenever it's itchy, e worse is when i hav 2 endure e pain n only when i smoothered it wif lotion, then it will slowly heal.

tis juz irritates me, leads 2 e pt tat i decide 2 quit nursing... but mum n some colleagues held me back 4 e time being. i realli don't knw... i lyk some of my colleagues there... i don't wanna change 2 another station or move 2 another department, but e hand problems juz gets 2 me...
besides tat pt, i also wan 2 go back 2 study... i realli wanna hav e student life back, mum tinks i'm making a rush decision, which she is always rite abt coz i tend 2 give up easily in wat i do. all i hav nw is juz regretz, regretz n more REGRETZ! haiz...